i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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