dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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