Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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