also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
