he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
