I looked at my own cervix.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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