So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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