Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
