Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
