we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
