sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
