i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
