cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
