Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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