I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
