your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
