I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
