well I can't set my house on fire every night
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
