Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
