Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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