as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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