I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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