I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
