Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
