My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
