Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
