Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
