I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
