I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
