Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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