I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize