Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
