Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize