but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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