So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
