My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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