I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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