if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
