Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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