I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
