Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize