the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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