Porn is love you can see.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm both gender and math confused
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
