and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There r osticjed everywhere
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
