My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Are my feet made of real feet?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
soo... how was my night?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize