My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
