she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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