fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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