There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
did i just pee glitter
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