Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize