she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i believe in u and ur pee
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