Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize