I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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