I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
