My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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