It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
