Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
