we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
