dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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