I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
