I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
