dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
