We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
