you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
