I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Randomize
