i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
