he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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