What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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