Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My pussy is not your playground.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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