I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
