Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
