my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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