and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
