This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
